


Lie In A Bed You Know or Go

by sparkinside (boomersoonerash)



Series: Baptized In Your Sexual Healing [8]
Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anthem Era, Arguing, Break Up, Brother/Sister Incest, Cell Phones, Cliffhangers, Established Relationship, F/M, Family Drama, Hurt, Incest, Long-Term Relationship(s), Miscarriage, No Smut, Older Man/Younger Woman, Phone Calls & Telephones, Pregnancy, Sibling Incest, Sibling Love, Sisters, Unresolved Tension, Voicemail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 12:04:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7102522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomersoonerash/pseuds/sparkinside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I was in the neighborhood.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lie In A Bed You Know or Go

**Author's Note:**

> This has some spoilers for things the main story hasn't reached yet so be warned. Title comes from Go by Hanson.

June 5, 2016

Avery sighed loudly to herself as she sat in the guest room of her parents house. It was going on two in the morning and she couldn't sleep. Just kept tossing and turning and also listening to the sound of the rain as it hit the roof of the house. At this point in time she was sure she was the only one awake as things were dead silent which was unusual because usually Zoe would be up later but she guessed today's activities had made everyone exhausted.

Junia had, had a dance recital and the rushing to it so early in the morning and then well Friday had also been exhaustive too and Friday was the real reason she had came here into Tulsa in the first place. She had promised to help her mom and sister take care of Zac and Kate's three children over night as well as get them ready for the recital that had been this morning so that their parents could have some time alone to celebrate their ten year wedding anniversary.

A day that Avery found she dreaded more each time it happened because she knew their marriage was nothing but a farce. They may have tried putting on a good show but in the end that's all it was, was a good show. If they really loved each other then she doubted Zac would have still been with her after all this time. Because it had been ten years for them too in February but of course no one could know that.

What Avery and Zac shared would always be their secret. Theirs and no one elses though a few people over the years had found out. Like Carrick who had walked in on them once in 2008 and Taylor who had accidentally stumbled on the naked pictures Zac had taken of her in 2008 and also seen them kissing one New Years Eve when Zac had ushered her outside to steal a kiss away.

Taylor had came out after them, to tell them that Kate who had been nursing Junia when they snuck off was looking for Zac and of course he had caught them mid kiss and that was when he knew for sure that his eyes and head weren't just playing tricks on him which he had convinced himself of after finding her nude pictures or so he had claimed that night when he confronted them.

Then Jessica had known too and she hadn't caught them like Taylor or Carrick. She had just grown suspicious over the years, especially the years when they had both lived at home and she had heard them having sex from Avery's bedroom which had just been right across from hers.

They had always tried to be quite and most nights Zac had even had her turn on her TV or her radio and yet Jessica had still heard them. That had been something she had confessed the first and only time she acknowledged that she knew which had been her wedding day when she had told Avery that she wished one day she could see Avery get married but then she had made a comment on how Avery probably never would get married or at least not to the man she truly loved and of course Avery had questioned her on what she meant and that was when she spilled that she knew.

It was something Avery knew was a touchy subject for Jessica given how she looked when she talked about it so of course Avery wasn't surprised that they had only talked about once and then went about like the conversation had never happened.

It was something Avery figured she was used to by now. Going about things like her relationship with Zac wasn't real when it was. It had been real since that February when she was fifteen and had went to him for help. It had been real when he snuck her up to his hotel room the night before he married Kate and taken her virginity and now ten years later it was still very real and Avery was still in love with him but even being in love with him didn't help the fact that it was getting harder to share him with Kate.

Maybe she had been okay with it at first but then again she had been fifteen and naive so of course she had been okay and back then she hadn't had a clue that she'd still be with Zac ten years down the road. Because statistics were always against them and so this probably shouldn't have even worked but it did.

Even if she had to share him with Kate and then with his kids it worked but god did it get harder, especially when she had realized she loved him in 2008 though of course she hadn't voiced it to him upon her realization back then. No she had waited a good two years to tell him. Telling him on the night that he told her Kate was pregnant with his second child.

Though now as she looked back upon that she figured it probably hadn't been the best way to tell him, not when she had blurted it out in anger. Anger that Kate was pregnant when she had just lost a baby. Miscarried the only baby she would probably ever have and of course she had felt like Kate's pregnancy was a slap in her face and so she had lashed out at Zac for it while revealing that she loved him and that night was probably the first that she realized it was getting harder for her. Because her miscarriage with Kate's pregnancy just cemented to her that she'd never have a permanent spot in Zac's life at least not in the ways she wanted and maybe it was childish to feel that way.

Hell maybe it was childish to still get hurt every year Zac stayed married to Kate and every year they had another baby which was probably why this year hurt a lot. Because it was ten years in and Kate was pregnant with her fourth kid by Zac and Avery was stuck watching him play happy, while also longing for that even if her rational side knew they could never have it because of the fact that they were brother and sister.

But god did she long for it. Long for being with him and not having to share him. Long for actually having a baby, his baby inside of her again. Watching as her belly grew and then holding it in her arms once it was here because hell even if she had his baby then Avery would have physical proof that what they had was real. That it existed even if Zac couldn't claim her baby the way he did his kids with Kate. 

Coming out of her thoughts eventually Avery just shook her head sadly before reaching for her phone which was on the nightstand by the bed. Hopefully if she browsed the net for a bit she'd be tired enough to get some sleep, sleep that she needed for her hour drive back home tomorrow.

Though the minute she went to instagram and began to scroll down her feed she realized she probably shouldn't have because she was halfway down when one picture on the feed made her stop and just pause as well as making her feel like she had been kicked in the gut.

It was a picture Kate had shared on her and Zac's anniversary of them kissing and while it was no passionate kiss, just a simple peck it was enough to make Avery's already fragile emotions from this whole weekend worse than what they were.

Closing out of instagram after what felt like a lifetime of looking at the picture in front of her, Avery quickly went to her contacts and found Zac's name. She knew it was crazy to call him now because he was more than likely in bed like any normal person would be but she also knew if she didn't do this now she'd never have the nerve to do it later.

So taking a deep breath, Avery hit his name and hit call. Putting the phone up to her ear after and listening as it went straight to voicemail because he always turned his cell phone off when he slept.

Once his regular greeting message ended, Avery had to take another deep breath before speaking.

"Hey Zac, it's me Avery but of course that was probably obvious the minute I started talking," she spoke as she laughed faintly though it wasn't a happy laugh. "I'm not quite sure why I'm calling you at two in the morning but I am and maybe it was a lie that I don't know why I'm calling because I do. I'm calling because I think....I think we should end things," she said before having to take another breath and swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. "I think it's what would be best. We both know things like this don't last forever and maybe we got lucky it lasted for ten years but we should end it before we both start hating each other and god knows I don't want to hate you not when you've given me some of the best years of my life," she sighed as she smiled sadly at the thoughts and memories she'd always cherish. "It's probably best if you just stay away from me for awhile...this decision was already hard enough and I don't need to see you to have you trying to change my mind because we both know that you will if you don't stay away from me. I'll...I'll decide when it's best when we see each other again," she nodded though he couldn't see her. "Goodbye Zac," she stated before moving the phone away from her ear and ending the call.

After she had done that, she put the phone back on the nightstand and laid back down in bed and now more than ever she feared sleep wouldn't come, especially not when her heart felt it was scattered into pieces.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"Are you okay?" Zoe asked Avery as both girls stood outside the restaurant where they had just had lunch with their mom who was already back in her car and waiting for Zoe. "You've just been off all day. You didn't eat much at breakfast and then at lunch you were silent while mom and I did all the talking."

Avery forced a smile as she listened to Zoe, "I'm fine," she lied because she couldn't really tell Zoe that no, she wasn't fine and that her heart was hurting because she had broke up with Zac last night through a voicemail and a part of her wished that maybe Zac would have called her or texted her back but apparently for once he was listening when she had told him to stay away and not change her mind on something. "Just didn't sleep well last night and I think I'm sluggish is all," she shrugged.

Zoe gave Avery a skeptical look at her words and Avery half wondered if somehow in the end her younger sister knew she was lying, though she knew Zoe would never know why. Zoe was still one of the lucky ones in the dark who had no clue that Zac and Avery had been together for years. 

"If you say so," Zoe finally spoke as she shook her head. "I know I'm younger than you Ave, but you can tell me if something is wrong," she said and god did Avery really wish she could but she knew she couldn't because Zoe probably wouldn't take it well if she knew the truth.

"I know," Avery nodded before reaching out and pulling Zoe into a hug. "I'll see you soon and don't get anymore wiser while I'm away," she teased as she pulled away from the hug. "Otherwise you'll end up being the smartest Hanson around and we can't have that."

Zoe laughed at that but she walked away, heading to the car where their mom was. "God knows this family needs one smart Hanson though," Zoe called over her shoulder once she reached the car. "Maybe it should be me."

Laughing as well Avery just shook her head, watching as Zoe got in the car and it wasn't long after that, that her mom drove away and Avery gave them both a tiny wave before getting in her own car.

As she buckled up and started her car up though she couldn't help but glance down at the cell phone which was laying in her cup holder nor could she help the feeling of sadness when she saw she had no text messages or calls.

Shaking her head Avery pulled out of her parking space, heading toward the interstate which would take her back home to her house in Oklahoma City and maybe it was good she was leaving especially since it seemed Zac was actually going to do what she wanted.

Because it would only hurt more staying in Tulsa and knowing Zac was so close and yet they'd have to keep their distance. Something that hurt Avery even if she was the one who had ended it and told him to stay away for awhile.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Arriving on the street she lived on a little after one-thirty, Avery automatically slowed her car down and the moment her house was in sight she raised an eyebrow at the familiar blue truck parked in her driveway.

"That asshole," she muttered to herself more than anything else because in the end he had proven that he indeed hadn't listened to a word she said in her voicemail.

Shaking her head slightly Avery pulled her car up beside Zac's truck and after she parked her car, she got out keeping a firm grip on her keys. Her eyes landing on Zac who was sitting on her porch with his head looking down though she was sure he had heard her pull into the driveway and get out of the car so he knew she was home.

When she made it closer to her porch she cleared her throat slightly which finally made Zac look up at her and Avery was sure the minute he did what was left of her heart had finally gave way because he looked so fucking broken. Worse than she ever saw him every time Kate hurt him.

"I was in the neighborhood," Zac spoke with a slight crack in his voice. "Thought I'd drop by and see you."

"The neighborhood huh?" Avery questioned as she shook her head. "You don't even live in Oklahoma City so that's a lie," she muttered before stepping onto her porch, watching as Zac stood up finally. "But I appreciate the effort in your lie," she nodded as she went to her door and unlocked it.

Zac laughed a bit bitterly at her words, "Yeah well I figured you knew the real reason I was here anyway," he said and well he was right. Avery knew why he was here.

"I told you to stay away," Avery reminded him as she stepped inside once her door was unlocked. "I meant it," she sighed as she flipped on a light switch, listening as she heard Zac following behind. Heard him shut the door behind them.

"You also know me Avery," Zac stated so plainly and Avery nodded her head though she stayed turned away from him as she toed off her shoes and walked to the couch where she sat down, watching as Zac sat down beside her. "You knew I'd come," he said as he turned to look at her and she had to look down, not wanting to see the brokenness in his eyes. "You chose to fucking end us in a god damn voicemail."

Avery chewed her lips at Zac's words, falling silent for what felt like ages but in the end was probably only seconds or even minutes. "I did," she confirmed with a nod of her head. "I ended things with you over a voicemail."

"At least have the guts to do it to my face Avery Laurel," Zac scolded which made Avery blush. "End things properly now that I'm here in your home and right next to you. Tell me you want to be done and that you aren't in love with me."

Closing her eyes Avery took several deep breaths before opening them again, "Zac..." she started though she was unable to finish what she was going to say. Unable to voice anything but his name.

Zac just laughed softly though it still had a hint of bitterness, "Figured you're too chickenshit to do it to my face," he spat out as he stood from her couch though he made no effort to leave her house. Instead he just began to pace back and forth a bit. "How about just telling me why then? Tell me why you want to just throw me away like I mean nothing to you."

"You think that's what I'm doing?" Avery asked as she looked up at Zac. "That I'm throwing you away like you mean nothing to me."

"It's what it feels like when you decide to do it over a voicemail," Zac answered his tone still bitter and angry. "After everything together and you end it like that. Simple words on a voicemail."

Avery sighed softly as she ran a hand through her hair, "Because I knew doing it in person would hurt me a hell of lot more because you aren't nothing to me Zac. You're everything...you're the first boy I fell in love with. You're the person I gave my virginity too."

"I gave mine to you too," Zac added on and Avery nodded in acknowledgement because yes he had indeed lost his virginity to her the night before marrying Kate. Though it had been inevitable, they had done everything but it in the months leading to the wedding. "I love you more than her."

"But you'll never leave her," Avery stated as she watched Zac stop his pacing to turn and look at her. "You love me more than her but you'll never leave her and I'm not the type of person to ask that of you," she said as she locked eyes with Zac. "I want too so fucking bad but I won't. It's not my right no matter how badly I want you to myself even though I can't really ever have you to myself. I want it...want what she has. You..a house with you, a life with you that doesn't consist of you leaving me every Monday so that you can go back to her for the week and try to sneak away to see me on the weekends. A baby that's part you and part me and that proves what we have is real even if you can't claim it like you can your kids with her. I just want a family with you and I know I'm never going to have it. I knew it all along but I was too naive back when this all started to think of how it would affect me in the end and now that I know..I just I'd rather end what we have now before I come to resent you for the things I can't have with you."

Zac who had stood there silently listening to her, finally broke eye contact once she had finished speaking, "I'll resent you for having those things with someone else," he stated sounding sure of his statement. "That's one reason why I still get so jealous of everyone you date. Cause I know one day one of those boys is going to be the man you marry and start a family with. I know it won't be me but I'll wish it was and I know I'm going to resent you for it. I'll hate you for having a life with someone else and it's funny but I'd still end up doing it even if we aren't together anymore because I'll know it should have been me but that it can't be for a ton of damn reasons," he sighed as he shook his head.

"Maybe I shouldn't have came," he finally stated after falling silent for a bit. "I'm sorry I did Avie," he muttered before he finally turned away from her and headed to her front door.

Watching him go Avery bit her lip softly, swallowing a lump that had again formed in her throat. "I'm sorry too Zac," she called out watching as he didn't even stop to acknowledge her words. He just kept walking until he reached her door and when he got there he opened it and headed outside and it wasn't long after that, that Avery heard him start his truck up and drive away.

Frowning after he had left Avery finally let the tears she had been holding in come out as she leaned further into her couch but even that didn't provide her comfort. Not when she felt empty inside, so god damn empty and maybe that was partly why she was nauseated now too, feeling like she was going to lose whatever was left on her stomach from her lunch with her mom and Zoe.

Wiping at her eyes, Avery stood from the couch before running into the bathroom and flipping on the light before barely making it to the toilet where she did get sick. Emptying her stomach until she felt like there really was nothing left.

After she had gotten sick Avery stood up from where she was bent down, going to the sink and washing her face and mouth with water before heading back to the living room.

Though right as she reached the living room she heard her cell phone ring and as she sat down on the couch she reached out for it, seeing her caller id say mom.

"Hello?" Avery questioned once she had hit talk wondering why her mom was calling though in the end it was more than likely she was calling to see if Avery had made it home alright.

"Avery," Diana's voice came from the other end of the phone and well Avery thought she sounded relieved. "Just calling to make sure you made it home okay," she continued though even with that said she sounded like she had more to say as well. "I also wanted to know what was bothering you. Zoe told me you said you were having trouble sleeping last night."

Avery nodded her head though her mom couldn't see her and of course she should have known Zoe would tell their mom what she had said. "I did," she confirmed. "It was just a bit stuffy in the room is all and the rain wasn't helping things," she lied as she shrugged her shoulders. "I also just couldn't get comfortable on the bed because if I laid a certain way I had some breast pain. Heck I've been having that off and on today as well if my shirt touches my breast a certain way," she admitted knowing she felt a bit more comfortable telling her mom that because besides her secret with Zac she had usually been open with her mom regarding her body changes.

"Avie honey," Diana started before pausing for a bit as if she was deciding what to say. "Is there a possibility you're pregnant?" she asked finally and Avery shook her head again knowing her mom couldn't see her. "The breast tenderness sounds a lot like an early pregnancy symptom."

Avery opened her mouth, about to deny to her mom that no she wasn't pregnant. She was regularly on the pill especially even more so after her first pregnancy and miscarriage but then she couldn't because her mind went to the weekend of her college graduation and how Zac had made up some excuse to stay at her house on Saturday night and how they had wound up making love twice that night.

Once on the very couch she was sitting on now and then after that first round they had ate some leftover pizza that was in her fridge and wound up making love again on the floor after they had eaten. She also knew that weekend had been so rushed that she had missed two days worth of her pills and so how could she deny that she could be pregnant?

"Maybe," Avery finally answered knowing there was indeed a possibility now that she was pregnant. Pregnant with Zac's baby because there was no way it was Daniel's baby. They had been off and on for most of 2015 but they had finally broke up for good in March and she had, had two periods since then. Though if she was being honest and if her math she was doing in her head was right she was now a week late. Though of course she hadn't realized it until now because last week she had still been coming down from Hop Jam and all that entailed.

"Avery," Diana muttered out bringing Avery out of her thoughts. "You need to find out if you are. Daniel needs to know so he can get things prepared. Marry you and all that."

Swallowing hard Avery shook her head, "It wouldn't be Daniel's baby," she revealed before she could even stop her mouth from speaking. "I..I slept with some guy I met at a bar," she lied as if it was the easiest thing in the world. "He's more than likely the father if I'm pregnant."

Avery could hear her mother let out a long sigh on the other end of the line and she knew her mother was disappointed in her but Avery figured she'd be even more disappointed if she knew the truth. Knew that Zac was possibly the father of Avery's baby if she was pregnant.

"Oh Ave," Diana finally spoke and Avery could almost see her shaking her head. "Will you keep the baby if you're pregnant then?" she asked and Avery knew her parents were usually against abortion but the way her mom said what she did she almost wondered if she didn't hope that she would have one.

"Of course I'd keep my baby if I'm pregnant," Avery replied back getting a bit snappy with her mom but then again Diana also had no clue that Avery had once been pregnant before and lost that baby. Only Jessica and Zac knew about that. "It's a part of me and I'm not getting rid of it," she declared as she let out a sigh too. "I..I think I'm going to go though now mom. Goodbye," she said before waiting on her mother to bid her a goodbye and once she had Avery ended the call, putting her cell phone on the coffee table again.

"You're pregnant?" Zac's voice asked jarring Avery slightly and she turned seeing him standing against her closed door and she felt a blush come to her cheeks because she hadn't even heard him come in and she had been so certain that with the way he left earlier he was going to Tulsa again but of course he hadn't because if anything her brother was stubborn to a fault and he had came back and obviously heard some of the conversation she had with their mom. 

"I asked you a damn question," Zac spat out in her silence. "Are you pregnant with someone elses baby Avery?" he asked and Avery was sure she was going to be sick again and she wasn't sure if it was her maybe baby or the fact that Zac had obviously heard the lie she told about a stranger and he thought she had been telling the truth.


End file.
